Sunday, February 2, 2014

My Careful, Careful Analysis of This Year's Superbowl Teams in Order to Choose a Side

I'm making deviled eggs and baking brownies and buying beer for today's game, but I don't know who I'm cheering for. And people keep asking. Well, my son keeps asking. I know far more Broncos fans than Seahawks fans, and I'm all about people-pleasing, so it's likely I'll cheer for the Broncos. On the other hand, all my spare change goes into psychotherapy to get over the people-pleasing so maybe I ought to think this through a little more carefully.

Let's see... today's game is already a little special in that it falls on my favorite holiday. Problematically, Groundhog Day is underrated and the Superbowl is sometimes... (ahem)... the opposite of that, so I find my opinions feeling a little underdogish right from the get-go. And that brings me to my first analysis:

I always like an underdog. During playground fights between strapping youth and teeny nerdy ones, I'm cheering for the teeny guy. If a small business vies for success just blocks away from WalMart - I am going to bust my butt to buy stuff at the small business and tell perfect strangers on the street that they should shop at the small business (this totally happened the other day and the lady swore to me she'd go - I have to believe her -- surely she wasn't just trying to get rid of me.) In today's case, I hear that the Seahawks are the underdog. So one thought-through "Teri point" for the Seahawks. SeaHAWKS... underDOG - all this talk about animals brings me to my next analysis:

I have a dog, and I adore her - you could say she's the Labrador of my life. However, while dogs are like my cozy cottage - birds are my exotic vacation home. I'm a birder. If left to my own devices, I would sell my home, farm out my family, and head out on a Big Year (presumably with stolen money, so let's hope I'm never left to my own devices). I have binocs and a bird book where I'm checking off every species I spot. And speaking of the bird book, it makes no mention of a Seahawk. To be fair, my book is the Peterson Field Guide to Birds of Western North America and for all I know, Seattle chose a bird of Eastern North America for their mascot. Or a bird of A Completely Different Continent. And I don't have time to go to Barnes & Noble to check out all those Peterson books today - there is way too much going on. Just the same, a hawk of any kind is a bird, which makes the Seahawks cool in my book... I mean, my figurative book - we've already established they don't exist in my actual book. Another point for the Seahawks.

Let's look at history. Not NFL history. MY history. Way back in junior high, I was a Raiders fan. This has no bearing on today's game - but they did get me some fast cash against my step-dad in more than one game and my high school boyfriend bought me a totally rad Howie Long #75 jersey in 1988. As far as the Broncos and the Seahawks, though - the only NFL game I've ever attended was a Broncos-Chargers game long, long ago in San Diego. The game didn't hold personal meaning for me, but I attended with some SERIOUS Broncos fans and was even persuaded to apply blue and orange lipstick as a show of loyalty to the people who were my ride back to Vegas. Despite the bad memories of men with too much beer in their bloodstreams asking me for kisses with that lipstick - I have to give a point to the Broncos nostalgically.
Teri & Sandee at a Broncos game, early 90s (that is NOT my hairy leg in the background)
On the other hand, I have a profound love for Seattle. If I fantasize about a place to live out my later years - it's Seattle. One of the happiest moments of my life was sitting in Ivar's eating seafood and looking out across Puget Sound. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be left alone to gaze across the water and continue to eat bowlfuls of clam chowder. I also like Pike's Place, all of downtown, "Sleepless in Seattle," Pearl Jam, Starbucks, my brother and his family who used to live there, nearby Snoqualmie Falls, the rain, the trees, the berries found RIGHT ON THE BUSHES all over the place, even the memory of my young daughter falling in the water feature at the Seattle Children's Museum and having to wear a "Who's Your Daddy" t-shirt for the rest of our visit while her clothes were in the museum dryer. Point for Seattle, even if their mascot is a fake bird.*
Cayna, age 1, at Seattle Children's Museum
Let's round this up. I like the Seahawks' colors better than the Broncos'. One point.
I like Denver almost as much as Seattle, half a point.
That Seahawks guy made an ass-fool of himself on national TV, point for the Broncos.
I'm sure some of the Broncos guys can be jerks at times, point for the Seahawks.
Kevin has a Broncos jersey in the closet that I bought for him at Savers - I could go to the party looking like a real fan, point for the Broncos.

Final score: Broncos - 3.5; Seahawks - 5

I will focus on my sculpture and let you know how it turns out.

*Further research reveals the Seahawk is an augur hawk. Maybe Seattle Augurhawks just didn't sound right?
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