New Running Shoes

I happened to have about an hour with no children today, so I decided to zoom to the running store and try to buy some new shoes. [Side bar: On the way there, I saw a 50+ year-old woman jogging along a busy street with the heat radiating off the asphalt. It was 4:09 p.m. and approximately 99 degrees outside in our fair city. You go, girl! --as for me, I'm turning up the a/c.]

Friendly running store guy was there to greet me. I told him I had strayed from Asics on my last purchase but I wanted to come back. He didn't have any in my giant size, but had two boxes full of Asics just arrived so he cut 'em open. Not one pair in my size. It was then I noticed the piles of sale shoes on a nearby table and running store guy helped me find some options.

Keep in mind how excited I was to be getting new shoes. It has been way too long. I've more than worn out the pair of shoes I bought originally for hiking. And buying shoes for running makes me feel like I'm for real with this sport. So I open the first box, and this was my immediate thought:

"They look like pee."

Who designs shoes in pee color? But then the cool side of my brain kicked in and I remembered that everybody seems to be wearing neon these days and these shoes were NEON, not PEE.

Right? That's what I want you to repeat in your mind right now: "Neon, not pee." Color is important. For instance, my last shoes were black. I have no business, with my ultra-white legs, wearing black running shoes, socks, shorts, capris, bathing suit, or tutu. I can't pull it off. I shouldn't pull it off. So I'm happy that these shoes are primarily white. And the neon will make me feel cool in the same sort of way that it made me feel cool in seventh grade, which is to say: not at all, even though I'm trying.