Monday, December 20, 2010

Wreaths - A Neighborhood Photo Essay

From my vast research, conducted over the past five minutes, wreaths are a Christian symbol of the coming of Christ. We have advent wreaths, we hang them on our doors, and occasionally, if we dress up like Julius Caesar, we wear them on our heads.

All around my neighborhood, there are marvelous displays of Christmas lights and inflatable snowmen. But I wanted to give special attention today to the Christmas wreath. Enjoy!

First, when deciding whether to adorn your door with a wreath, you must make a decision about size and number. This is easy if you have a single door. Single door=single wreath. Easy!

Perhaps, though, you have double doors. Now the possibilities are more numerous. But logic dictates that double doors=double wreaths.

Logic isn't the main factor in decorating, however. Maybe you moved from a single-door house to a double-door house this year, and you just don't have the time or money to go purchase an additional wreath. That's okay. Plenty of people hang a single wreath even with two doors. No one will judge you.

For some personalities however, the two door, one wreath option seems out of whack. Looking at it makes you a tiny bit cockeyed. There's an easy solution. Center the wreath between the two doors! You'll be so avant-garde!

And speaking of centering --- and avant-garde --- who says the wreath must be positioned towards the top of the door? No one! Go ahead and center that sucker however you like!

For that matter, center-shmenter! Put 'em wherever you darn well please! When you're already stressed out about the in-laws coming to visit, convention be damned!

There is some significance to the circular shape of the wreath. It represents eternity. But if you're feeling less immortal, go with square. And again, don't be confined to the somewhat stifling rules of spatial arrangement.

Furthermore, not everyone feels comfortable with a wreath. Why not try bows?


In my neighborhood, the prize for most wreaths on one house? Eight. They hang on doors, lights, stucco popouts, and... windows. Like so.

Conversation overheard at Monty's Custom Wreath Shop: "I don't care if it isn't evergreen. Just so the bows match my shutters."

For the photo-essayist, nothing escapes the eye. Hence, I think I figured out who stole the wreath off of the above house last year... these guys! (Look closely. You can just make out the teal-green bow.)
(I'm wondering who the Santa frog used to belong to. In my opinion, they're better off without it.)

Here we have a classic case of an individual wanting to embrace the Christmas season, but hesitant to leave behind the Autumn gourd and all of its beauty.

"Crap, Sheila! I'm losing my mind. Go check whether I hung the wreath by the fireplace."

Sad but true: If you opt for the 3,700 square-foot house, you might have to settle for a smaller, less expensive wreath for a few Christmases.

Finally, this house gets my "Prettiest Wreaths" award. And even though they belong to my friends Derryck and Kelly, I swear I'm not biased.

These photos were taken in my neighborhood today, December 20, 2010. All photos are mine. So is the humor. Feel free to use the decorating ideas, though!


heather said...

Can you let me know when someone hires you as a comedy writer for some famous show? You are so stinkin' hilarious! I'm going to call Laura right now to tell her to read this!

Theology Geek said...

I hear that the police are looking for a suspicious woman walking around our neighborhood taking pictures of people's homes.

Vic said...

We have a set of "Christmas frogs" down the street from us! D loves them - I've never seen another Christmas frog before until that one. Great post - I may have to include it in one of my posts this week...

heathorock said...

dave barry, move on over!

Katie and Mark said...

LOL I thought I saw you stalking my pathetic little wreath on my door! You know what? I'm one of those crazy double door single wreath (a really wimpy looking one) kind of person. I never even thought twice about buying another one. :) That's how my mind works. LOL I can only imagine all of these wreaths glaring at you from the doors, intriguing you with their placement. The funny thing is-Mark and I had just talked about the green and white ones. In particular, noticing how they matched the shutters.

I guess no matter the shape, size, placement, color, or number-in the long run.....It's only Eternity that matters. Ü and it's nice to know our neighborhood has proved this theory true. ;)

Janelle said...

Literally laughing out loud over here.

Mike Nalley said...

I'm sad our wreath didn't get at least honorable mention but it is still sitting inside on the floor by the couch.

Rachel said...

I love it! Some of the wreath placements are truly puzzling, although I have to say I think the one wreath centered over two doors is fine. I have a neighbor who has a different wreath on her door for every occasion, I should take pictures, do the year in wreaths:)

littlecbsmom said...

Simply...hysterical! Love the pictures and the humor, you share good stuff;)

Tina Dechane said...

Thanks for the laugh ..and the wreath help and suggestions