Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Confession is Good for the Soul - And Some Part of Me Should be Healthy!

My sweet friend Heather just posted "35 Zucchini Recipes" on Facebook. THIRTY-FIVE? I need one. Actually, one might be pushing it. What is zucchini, again?

This is the post that will guarantee kharmatically that I get cancer. And probably lose a few friends and alienate some relatives. But I can't stay silent any longer! I have to confess!

I hate cooking! There are already underused cookbooks in my cupboard, and now on top of that I see the plethora of recipes on Pinterest and Facebook and hear about all these successful cooking blogs, celebrity chefs and shows where people stand around and COOK! I'd almost rather watch people stand around and do TRIGONOMETRY!

I hate gardening! I will still very happily tour your garden, listen to your gardening efforts and stories, and smile when you show me how you remove those wormy things from the leaves (ew!). But I do not want to build a garden, plant a garden, water or weed or maintain a garden in any way or really even EAT most of what comes out of a garden. I am still a nice person. I still think it is the coolest thing ever that my sister-in-law takes her blender jar out to her garden on Summer mornings and harvests her breakfast smoothie on the spot. But I don't want to do it.

I hate ALL Facebook posts that sound anything like any of the following:
  • Twelve Reasons You Need to Drink Lemon Vinegar Almond Curd Every Morning
  • Ten Things You Should NEVER Order at Fast-Food Restaurants If You're Stupid Enough to Go to A Fast-Food Restaurant in the First Place
  • Here's Another Reason To Worry About That Box of Breakfast Cereal
  • How to Lose Weight and Keep Your House Rodent-Free With This One Natural Ingredient

I looooooove Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches, Arby's roast beef, and McDonald's french fries.

I once kept a shoebox full of granulated sugar hidden under my bed. If I wasn't afraid of ant invasion, I probably still would.

There. I feel better. Or at least my soul does. Clearly my body isn't getting enough vegetables.

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