Negatory

On a golden October day that is typical of the month in Las Vegas, I cruised along in my van with my sun roof open and tried to keep my eyes on the road despite the beauty of the sky.

My period was one day late.

And this was the first month since my miscarriage that pregnancy was a possibility.

I did what I had to do:  I stopped at Walgreens to buy a 2-pack of pregnancy tests. I had no intention of taking the test that day, since that day was Halloween. I was worried that if I found out I was carrying a new life on Halloween, that new life would have a birthmark shaped like a black cat smack dab in the middle of his or her forehead. Not good. Nope, I'd wait to pee on the stick until November 1st - All Saint's Day! Yes, that's a much nicer day to discover a pregnancy.

I sauntered into Walgreens and took a look to see who was behind the check-out. Wonderful. A nice, twenty-something male would scan my pregnancy test. And you can't just load up on unneeded groceries to disguise a pregnancy test. What goes good with pregnancy tests? A bottle of 7-Up? Face cream? A Hallmark card? Nope, might as well just get what you came for and act as nonchalant as possible... ("I do this every day!"-- "It's for a friend!"-- Whistle and avoid eye contact.)

As I browsed the aisles looking for the "feminine hygiene" section, I was caught up in the weirdness that is Halloween. All down the candy rows were tiny shrunken horrific plastic heads, and I'd just seen an otherwise normal-looking couple carry their purchase of a zombie-like, life-size party decoration out the door. It was then I noticed a Phil Collins song playing on the store's sound system and the whole wildness of my situation made me smile. I'm forty. I've got four kids at home waiting to dress up and go trick-or-treating later, and here I am in Walgreens buying a pregnancy test while my favorite singer from high school croons over the speakers.

OF COURSE I've got to take the test today. It's so me! I remind myself that there is absolutely no evidence that a baby discovered on Halloween will be born with three eyeballs or have a penchant for horror flicks.

Before going home, I made one other stop at a favorite little shop in The District. Here, "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond was playing. I had to laugh! Who can hear "Sweet Caroline" and not want to sing out loud? With extra verve! My mood was so dizzy and fun that I determined to take the test immediately after arriving home.

It was negative. Kind of a bummer after the story I had going in my head entitled "The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant With You." PLUS the due date would have been around my next birthday. Oh, well. Better luck next time*. And since I bought the two-pack, no reliving the Walgreen's trip come Thanksgiving.

 

*For the record, I'm not as dismissive about this as it may sound. I am truly hoping to have another baby. I don't take my fertility for granted, and it's never been a good thing to see the negative sign. But also for the record, sometimes I have to take it lightly!