Sunday, June 13, 2010

Job 1:21

I was reclining on a table at Desert Perinatal Thursday, waiting to hear for sure that there was no heartbeat in my tiny baby. A scripture verse kept repeating in my head: "... the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21.)

No heartbeat.

My little baby due 1/1/11 isn't to be on earth. Two little babies, actually - there were two yolk sacs on the ultrasound screen. I'm as sad as you'd think, but also thankful for a whole bunch of graces that have come my way from the Lord in the past few days.

One joy is that in the midst of this my brother and sister-in-law have been here, and they have cared for and served us over the whole weekend. Another is that my friend and neighbor Kristi pitched in enormously to make it possible to still throw Cayna's 7th birthday party on Friday despite my lack of ability to help.

Finally, today is our 12th wedding anniversary. Blessed be the name of the Lord! I'm holding on to blessings like this as I'm mourning the loss of those tiny lives I was looking forward to holding.

I've had a million-zillion other thoughts, and some would be fun to share, others not so. For now, the flowers on my table are for the baby(ies) and the dinner out tonight was for the anniversary. Or maybe the stuff of life isn't so easily separated and commemorated. It kind of all blends in together and the happy and the sad are not always so distinguishable. At least that's how I'm feeling right now.

8 comments:

Muddlin' Mother said...

I'm so sorry Teri! Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing your heartache with us. We are thinking and praying for you!

Vicki R. said...

Oh Teri, please know you are all in our prayers during this time. Congratulations on the anniversary & praise the Lord for friends & family coming alongside you.

QueenP said...

I love you!! I am so sorry. I have been through this myself. I will call you. Later, when you feel like talking. We will talk. Just know you are loved, and that you will get through this. I'm so sorry for your loss.
P.S. I was going to put a sad face, but this seems more serious than a sad face. But I once did have a cousin include a sad face with the note "It is cancer!" on her Christmas letter. I thought that was oddly inappropriate, too.

Jim said...

I'm so sorry. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be. Happy anniversary in the midst of it all!

Baby-Mama Runner said...

I think I published that last comment under James google ID. Its really Magan.

Diva Mom Vicki said...

Oh no, how heartbreaking! Prayers going up to your two little Saints for you and your family!

Laura said...

Teri, I'm so sorry to read this sad news...please know I'm lifting you up in prayer as you mourn. Praying you and Kevin have some time to reflect on your 12 years, congrats! Thinking of you friend!!!

Jelaine Faunce said...

Best to you, Sweetie.