Twitter Trial

Last night I was looking up a writer I like and found she, like everyone else, is on Twitter. Me going over to Twitter is like a gambling addict "just browsing" in a casino. And of course I signed up to see what it was all about. Near as I can tell, it's Facebook without the faces. The best part about it was reading my artist friend Jelaine's description of what she does: "sniff paint".

Yes, I signed up.
No, I won't be going back.
I'll cut out the middle man and just tell you what my tweets would be for the next week:


*Ahhhhh! What a joy to have Twitter. Now I can get my fix without going back to Facebook.

*Ponderous heaps of Pachyderm Poop! (No one says that enough.)

*Going out for a walk. If I'm not back in an hour, send a posse.

*Speaking of posses, I saw a funny bumper sticker the other day that said: "Support your local search and rescue --- Get lost!"

*It's good to see old friends. Hope they think the same of me.

*Where the heck is that elusive sippy-cup?

*Where's my Amazon shipment? Where? Where? WHERE???

*My armpits itch. Maybe just the left one. Why is that?

*When did I have four kids? And where are they, anyway?

*We need t.p., Kleenex, diaper wipes, large quantities of juice, and construction paper. Off to Costco!

*Dang that's a lot to spend in one warehouse.

*Should I wear my jeans or my black boot-cuts?

*Did Liza Minelli have these same problems?

*We judged "Parks and Rec" too soon. It's actually quite funny.

*Kevin looks really good in his Batman shirt. And I don't normally have a thing for superheroes.

*Is it bad to tell the kids their tilapia is chicken?

*Armpit still itching. Maybe it's time to go back to the Crystal.

*How often do you wash your bedsheets?

*I'm Googling "bedbugs".

*Going out for a run! Why have the satellites been slow lately?

*Imagine if I'd married Ray Derryberry. My name would be Teri Derryberry. Wouldn't have happened. But I did really like Bryan McCrary. And Teri McCrary is nearly as silly as Teri Derryberry. I've never since met anyone with the last name Derryberry. But I swear I'm not making it up.

*Google my name sometime. It's shocking.

*Nothing puts me in a rage faster than having just cleaned the huge mirrors in my bathroom and my part daughter/part schnauzer shakes her wet head all over them.