Later this week, I am giving a talk at our parish's young adults group: "How to Deepen and Strengthen Your Prayer Life."
I LOVE giving talks. I do not, however, like the stress it causes me to prepare for them. Even as I've improved in the procrastination department, my perfectionism makes the preparation process a difficult one.
Case in point, I kept trying to develop part of my outline today --- in the midst of homeschooling and mothering four children. NOT smart, because I became a grouchy mama. Lesson learned --- I have to resist sneaking in prep time during the day, no matter how hard it is to wait for evening.
I thought earlier today, typical of my "all or nothing" attitude, that I should never give another talk again until my youngest is in college. Baloney. I just need to develop better discipline in preparation and time management. It's hard! I feel WAY more important and validated as a person preparing a talk someone might actually benefit from than I do changing diapers and helping my third grader with division. That is a big bummer. Why did I choose motherhood, with its low pay and low societal affirmation? Why do I want MORE children? I suppose underneath it all I've become convinced of the benefits, no matter how hard they are to see nine days out of ten.
And I now know myself well enough to know that I will be on an incredible high after the talk - and perhaps I should come home and blog then so you can hear from the "other me" - the one who has it all together and manages a successful speaking career and four fabulous children - easy breezy!