1) In the early morning quiet of my sleeping house, I creep down the stairs to make a to-do list, read a little scripture, some Francis de Sales, put yesterday's load of jeans in the dryer, and e-mail about four people. With each step, an audible "squick, squick, squick, squick." It's my knees. I'm embarrassed that the only sound in my house is evidence of my aging joints. I suppose this is really only a problem if I have an opportunity to enter a ballroom descending a grand staircase. I don't want the whole kingdom hearing the squick, squick, squick. Let's hope there's a full orchestra to drown out the noise. Or that everyone is so drawn to the sight of my gown that they don't notice my knee noise. There's just so much to worry about in life.
2) I noticed while showering that on the one-liter bottle of "Aussie" shampoo the kids use, it reads, "Smooth as a red carpet celebrity." Seriously? That's the best simile you could come up with? Who is your marketing target? Teenagers? Bored housewives? Maybe they should stick with their Australian theme - though I don't know where that might lead. Smooth as a kangaroo's butt? I can see where they ran into problems.
3) I'm in a mood. Chose my outfit, consisting of khaki capri pants. Soon realized I didn't shave. Decided no one would notice. I hope I'm not wrong. I hope while I'm at the library/daily Mass/Little Caesar's no one recoils in horror and I notice they were staring at my shins. Find something else to look at, people!
4) Speaking of daily Mass, this is a new bright idea my nine year-old came up with. We try to go to daily Mass on Thursdays. Sometimes, Kevin can get away from work and join us. But sometimes it's me alone with four kids. Last week, the two year-old was prostrate on the floor between our front-row seat and the altar. I tried to act like he wasn't mine, but as the average age of every other attender was around 72, I think people knew.