Thursday, November 20, 2008

Bad Mood = Good Run

If I'm grumpy enough, I can clean my bathroom top to bottom in nine minutes.

Remind me of any story involving my jerky ex-boyfriend, and I can hit a golf ball 200 yards further than usual.

In the morning, I can do 45 extra crunches if I have the right song running through my head.

Therefore - based on the pissy mood I've been in today, I expect to have a FANTASTIC run tomorrow. Honestly, what is wrong with me? It's not PMS; it's not sleep deprivation; I haven't eaten too much chocolate (though possibly not enough); and no one cut me off in the pick-up lane at the kids' school. I'll spend the rest of the evening trying to figure it out - you can just go ahead and enjoy some peace without my ranting.

But I'll leave you with this deluxe ad for Pearl Izumi from the August, '08 issue of Runner's World. The snottiness and attitude of it is right up my alley. Seems they have a rep for harsh ads, maybe they'd hire me to write for them.

IF YOU RAN WITHOUT SACRIFICE, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU JUST JOGGED.
Running hurts. It always has. Woolly mammoths didn't just roll over onto a plate and serve themselves up to prehistoric man with fries and a shake. They had to be caught - and running down woolly mammoths was a bitch. Guess what? Running is still a bitch. But one with a purpose. It teaches us that good things do not come easy. It teaches us that we are capable of more than we think. It teaches us that hard work will be rewarded and laziness will be punished. Don't expect to learn those life lessons from running's shiftless stepchild, jogging. Next time you suffer on the roads or trails, suffer proudly. It means you run like an animal.

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