My Daughter Mary & the Little Old Woman I Hit

If the story of my day today had a title, that's what it would be.

I'm in a mood that is rare for me - I kinda just want someone to give me a hug or bring me a cup of tea or even a pat on the back would be nice. I'm not all victim-y or anything, but I'll be happy to go to sleep tonight and finish November 5th.

I started off great. Today was marathon-busy, and I had a little moment of self-talk this morning something like this: "It's going to be a stressful, non-stop day. I have some power here, and to some degree my attitude can make or break the whole thing for me as well as my children." Exercise, prayer and scripture reading, and attitude got me off on the right foot. Then, between seeing my children off to school after a month-long break and heading to a Moms' Group get-together, I hit an older woman with a walker in the library parking lot. The important part of this story is that she wasn't hurt. I had barely released the brake and I heard a loud noise (she later told me she shouted but in my mind it was more like a bang) and I stopped. I really am a little afraid of having some form of a nightmare tonight about that moment when I turned around from looking over my left shoulder to looking over my right and seeing someone standing behind my van and realizing I had just hit her. I realized later that I was fully expecting her to fall down, which shows that I was out of sorts since I wasn't going that fast - but somehow I also perceived really quickly that she was elderly. John was already crying loudly, I'm not sure why, and I jumped out of the car to go see if everything was okay. I was really scared at that point. I knew the woman was still standing, but that's all I knew. Immediately she smiled and looked at me and said, "I'm okay, I'm okay."

I'm so thankful. The "almosts" and "could haves" of this story are awful. But the saddest part was that she thanked me for coming to check on her. That brings tears. Every so often, I just get deeply sad about this world (not to sound all fake-philosophical or anything) but this is one of those times. I don't like oil spills; crime; hurt and disappointment; or an elderly woman I almost backed over thanking me for checking on her.



Fast forward to tonight. Our church is having a first annual Children's Christmas Pageant and the "tryouts" were this evening. Joe and Cayna heard about it at choir and both wanted to go. Over the last few days, I've heard them discussing the "show" and Joe mostly said he wanted to be a wise man. I alternated between just nodding and smiling and saying "cool." to almost whispering "there are only three" - "just remember that!" - (whispering so I'm not totally guilty of being the mom who quashes his dreams).

In the car on the way there, the two of them decided Joseph would be Joseph and Cayna would be Mary. They sounded very assured, though neither had any idea what a "tryout" is. We arrived and things were organized and children were being shuffled and sorted into different groups. It was announced that all girls ages 4 and 5 were automatically angels. They were to be seated in one section and there were other sections for older girls and for boys. Most of the children picked up on the director's instructions and began moving to their places. Cayna stood still and looked unsure. A friend nudged Cayna, said something about being an angel and isn't that great, and "I think you need to go over there." But Cayna stood still and looked at her and said quietly but confidently, "But I'm going to be Mary."

Over an hour later, tryouts were finished, roles announced, and we left the building. Cayna will be a sparkly angel with a dozen other little girls and I'm sure she will ADORE her part. Joseph won the role of Joseph. That kid amazes me. And my lesson for the day is that I might be able to control my attitude for the day, but never, NEVER the outcome.