Two weeks ago in church, our family was seated toward the front of the church as we always are, in hopes that if our children can better see what's going on, they'll learn and appreciate the Mass. John was squawking a little, but only sporadically, and not enough (in our opinion) to take him out of the service quite yet. A woman in front of me leaned over and said to her neighbor, "They should sit in the back."
I was so angry! Not only did I resent her lack of patience toward my child (or maybe children in general), but, as usual, I was already dealing with my own issues. I am part of a book group reading the book Life Giving Love, which presents and defends the Catholic Church's teaching on being "open to life", against contraception, and, just generally pro-kid. So here I am as a recent convert trying with all my heart to really understand and embrace these teachings which are new to me and somewhat difficult - but I do see God working in my heart and mind. Then I go to Mass at the DARN SAME CHURCH THAT TEACHES THIS STUFF and some rude lady wants to relegate my family to the rear of the church where we won't bother her!!! I wish I had swallowed my wounded pride and prayed for that woman, but I didn't. I told God I hated his church and I wandered in tears around the outside of the building with my baby in my arms until I realized that I didn't have my car keys and it was too hot to be outside. I spent the remainder of the service NOT participating in the Eucharist and roaming the hallways until John went to sleep in my arms.
Today, we sat up front in church, same as usual. Just after we were settled in our seats, John started jabbering and capturing the attention of everyone around us. A woman in front of me turned around and just BEAMED at my baby with the most lovely smile. After church, I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "I just want to thank you for smiling so nicely at us. That's not always the expression I get and it made my whole day." Of course, I'm tearing up like a basketcase by the time I finish talking, but somehow it was healing. She said a few nice words and that was that. Because of her (since I'm honestly not capable on my own), I can now forgive that woman from two weeks ago. I don't hate the Church. And I VOW to always smile at people in church - especially other moms and their beautiful children.
8 comments:
It's amazing how some people can get so self righteous about one goodly principle (reverence) that they completely overlook another, probably more important principle. I've often been frustrated that my church encourages large families, but doesn't seem to design their facilities to accomodate that. I've never had anyone actually criticize my noisy children, though. Ouch! I'm so glad you had the second lady to make up for the first.
I'm so sorry for that woman. Really, she has bigger problems than you. I guess what you can get out of it is that we are all just human and very fallible.
And the Church's teachings on being open to life leave so much to interpretation, from the Pope, local Priests, us laypeople,.. I think the best is to always weigh what is the best for your family and what your heart is telling you. As a mother of five, I can honestly say that although, yes, I would always welcome a child with open arms, right now I feel like my heart is very full and I am satisfied. That's not to say next year I'll feel the same. This is something so personal and I know how challenging it is to try and figure out the right path. Especially today; we families with lots of kids are blamed for everything from overpopulation, to not respecting the environment, to being irreponsible. Hang in there! My heart goes out to you; I can't believe how closed minded people are towards children, they definitely have forgotten that they themselves were once kids too.
We had a conversation about similar issue after church yesterday. Someone's child was in the back making lots of moise, at some point banging away on the pew. Hubby mentioned it being annoying later on and I just said we didn't know anything about who they were or why they were there, but should just be grateful they were in church...maybe they were visitors and hearing about God's love for the 1st time. And you know there are many churches in this world that don't have separate "cry rooms" but instead everyone worships together, no matter the age (you saw this in India, right?)...might be something to learn from that.
Oh, Lynn! That reminder of India is heart-warming, actually.
And in discussing this with another friend, I realized that the positive comments and expressions probably outweigh the negative ones. I really am a "glass is half empty" girl.
Thanks for the uplifting comments, you guys!
This is such a touching post. I can relate to SO much of it! I am also a convert and also feel extremely frustrated when I get the sense that young children aren't welcome at Mass. When I first started going to church I only had one child so I was actually one of those cranky people who thought that the slightest noise or motion by a child was entirely inappropriate (though I never said anything or gave any dirty looks). Now that I have three under four, I have a TOTALLY different perspective, a really appreciate it when fellow parishioners welcome us *and* our children.
Anyway, thanks for posting this. I just linked to it from my links blog.
Jennifer F. sent me over here via that links blog she mentioned. As I commented there, I've also been the recipient of a comment at Mass that led me to tears, after my child acted his age.
Unlike what you and Jen relate as your experience as converts, as a cradle Catholic, anti-kid attitudes feel less like a frustration and more like a call to arms for me.
Thanks for the comments, Jennifer and Ginkgo100 - the mention of the "call to arms" is understandable - I find that I'm thinking that way a lot - "What can we do?" -- "What can we change, and how?" -- "I'm ready to FIGHT!" So far, most often, I'm just hearing reminders to humble myself. Darn it!
I'm so glad that woman smiled at you and your little one! :) I too am a convert (of 11 years now!)
Shortly after my conversion, I walked into a weekday mass with my 3 children and starting-to-swell pregnant belly, when I overheard one woman say to another "Good lord, don't tell me she's expecting another!!" I was so sad and confused by that. Here I am, 6 kids later, and like you, I make it priority to smile at the babbling baby or new young couple I see at church. Bless you on your recent conversion. May God bestow on you and your family His fullest Graces!
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